Desperate may be too strong of a word. Although, sometimes, that's exactly how I feel. I've tried to be patient through my latest recovery. I know I'm making improvement related to post op pain. However, it's the muscle and low back pain that's frustrating me today.
I went to the store with my husband yesterday evening. I thought I was doing okay. Maybe it was because I had taken a pain pill.
At 3:30 this morning, I discovered that I wasn't doing so well. My legs hurt so bad that I had to get up to take a pain pill. It felt like someone was massaging a bruise. I'll be exhausted today!
I get that I'm not the only person with pain. I get that there are many who are in much more pain than I am. I get that there are some with more debilitating pain. Before my surgical decompression and L4-5/L5-S1 fusion surgery in 2010, I was pretty good at realizing that I could be thankful that I wasn't worse than I am. Now, I allow myself to grieve over the lost of my past life when I could do the things most people can do. It took 18 years of searching for the cure.
I thought my surgery in 2010 was the fix but I was wrong. Basically, I have "failed back syndrome". Their is no cure. I can only try to manage the pain using the stimulator, pain medication and laying in bed.
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